流水帐

如果抽离自己的唯一途径不过是逃避，生活的吞噬力量，不抵抗也罢。

昨天，大学同学启程回国，我去把借给他们的被子拿回来，告别淡淡。

今天把家里打扫了。下午，让L去接Eugene，我在家弄肉馅，加白菜，用昨晚泡好的糯米滚了，做珍珠丸子。第一次做，没什么章法，胡乱垫了青菜叶在电饭锅的蒸笼里，二十多分钟出笼的时候，竟真有几分翡翠珍珠的意思。
剩下的肉馅，都包了大馄饨。 煮一锅，其余全整齐放进冷冻室，全都弄好，到摆盘上桌，自己对自己说，不错。

天还没黑的时候，门铃响了，我正在给Eugene找浴巾。来人自称是这片公寓的管理委员会代表，要登记住户信息。我赶紧声明我们只是租住，房东不在此，仿佛急于撇清，但被告知，租住也要登记。只好让进门来，从长计议。 寒暄，写字，又因为我难发音的名字抱歉地笑，等等等等，友好结束繁琐过程，small talk又继续了一番才结束。

新地方，窗户多且大，我坐着的位置，对着野生的草丛树木，景致寂寞。

晚上教Eugene拼七巧板，我深爱的游戏。

崩溃到无以复加之后，我们决定，不，管，了！

Eugene在被老师屡屡告状之后，对我们的询问除了无辜的眼神和对以后不再犯的肯定外，没什么别的反应。在家里无休止的想象表演的间歇，他偶尔会告诉我们老师不让他这样，老师不让他那样。有的，我会积极附和，让他听老师话，有的，我实在无言以对，只好就听着，不发表意见。

与其因为老师每天的意见弄得我们晚上也不高兴，不如由他自己去在学校寻生存之道，晚上我们还是开心玩？过些天再看吧。

Oddly, I feel trapped, in the cool air of a late summer morning,
so I read--

Someone's writing about her father's death, succinct and totally anticlimactic,
Someone's travelogue about Turkey, the stunningly beautiful remains of an epic past (in a pretentious tone way too much for me to like),
Someone's almost suicidal internal monologue,
Someone's short story, with a title word I have yet to look up,
Someone's column that failed to sustain my attention after the funny opening paragraph,
Someone's autobiography, which is so long I doubt I would ever finish,
Someone's witty haikus based on politicians' words,
...

At a certain point, I stopped unpacking altogether.

The heavy boxes with highlighted big abbreviations "Diss." have stayed in the messy uncleaned room for several days, and I wonder if the books and all those photocopied, printed papers are missing me. I certainly don't miss them.

Perhaps this is simply a consequence of several days of pure labor in the heat wave.

Now the weather finally cools down. How long the procrastination will go on?