Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Trip back Home

Sunday, 4/26

Yet another delay message is being given—I’m sitting here in the Honolulu airport, after a night at the lousy airport hotel because of the canceled flight, hoping this rebooked flight could take me home by tonight.


"The writing… it’s so bad, bad not even in an interesting way!" said the prof about a writer I’ve been reading. I feel I’m becoming less and less confident about my ability of judging or the accuracy of my critical sense. Is this writer really that bad? At least his first novel is ok…? And… there is this other poet that I really hate is said to have really ‘precise’ language, to which I have nothing to say. Is it my problem?


Or, perhaps the real problem is I always think everything I feel confused or frustrated about is because of my problem—the really really deep sense of diffidence. Somehow I feel even the repeatedly delayed flights are my fault too—I should have done the reservation earlier so that I could get one of those direct flights with perfect time and price. In the morning sunshine of Honolulu, I feel dizzy and tired and terribly guilty. Eugene must be wondering why Mommy doesn’t come back on Sunday morning as she promised.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Cheer up, Xiwen. You've already done a good job as a researcher and a young mom. I hope you will feel better ..... We need to see the positive side of life more often:). --Rong

fading sky said...

Thanks Rong. You too take care!