给宝宝的歌, I

作了雪花的纸片, 和作了小狗的娃娃,
作了海水的地毯, 和作了火车的纸箱,
空中曾经飞过的小虫, 和遥远的以前你追过的猫,
都在眼睛里变幻消失和重现, 想触摸, 连回忆, 都在身边.
任何, 任何故事都在讲述里,
变成当下存在,
而当下不过是早上, 中午, 或者晚上,
其他, 好象都不要紧.
欢乐和悲伤如同, 一勺泼洒的汤,
瞬间只留印迹在你散落的画本上,
变成明天一个新游戏的开始,
其实不是, 没有什么是游戏,
一切都这样真实.

发现

除了前些天研究的电影其实可以用静止画面做到以外, 还有,

西腊史诗的源头不光有荷马 (当然, 还有无数姓名已被遗忘的诗人), Hesiod稍短的作品Theogony以及Works and Days等都应该算, 因为音律形式上的相似实在可观, 谁影响谁还不一定呢.

我好象永远在感觉需要恶补经典的惶恐里, 所有发现根本上, 都是对自己无知的发现, 这是怎样一种体验啊.

Monotony

With the nurse--
-Do you see your dentist regularly?
-Yes I do. actually i just had my wisdom teeth out.
-really, you did? gosh you had so many things to take care of!
-oh yes...
-funny we call them wisdom teeth, isn't it.
-[laugh, thinking indeed, what wisdom did they bring me?]

With Eugene--
-Mommy 今天是什么day?
-Thursday, baby.
-Thursday 过完是什么day?
-Friday.
-Friday过完是什么day?
-Saturday.
-Saturday过完是什么day?
-Sunday.
-Sunday过完是什么day?
...
[Repeated every day, over and yet over again. I'm sure he's remembered all of them but just wanna keep the conversation going.]

With L.
-I just couldn't find it after a whole day's search.
-what, what did you try to find?
- a theory about using still images instead of using moving images to make a film.
- still images can make a film?
-oh yeah... uh... Microsoft has a "Moviemaker" thing, right?
-o there's a big joke there... Once Bill Gates wants to use it [telling the story]
[almost midnight]
-[the story made me laugh] guess when i finish all this dissertation, i'd love to make a movie of some kind!
- sure at least you can make one with Eugene performing.
- oh no he doesn't even want me to videotape him singing.

With myself:
-really, what kind of movie do i want to make? an "experimental" one constructed with nothing but still images?

很久不写

宝宝自新年以来一直断续生病, 我们也陪着传染,
我这次的咳嗽很可怕, 昨夜到今天不停, 几小时无法睡眠, 好容易约上医生, 要等到下午三点半,
不住喝水不住咳, 看着表熬时间.
下个月的两个会, 文章都还没着落,
我连担心的力气都没有了.

连日阴雨, 冬末甚至又下了场雪, 今天好歹有点太阳, 但愿一切好起来.

近来

每每生气抓狂, 我自责不是个好妈妈. 因为论文心情恶劣, 实在不该. Water说得太对, 平静是需要努力修炼.

为什么总是在深入研究之后发现最初的兴趣了无踪影? 为什么越来越觉得有必要找更刺激的题目? 可是可是, 我已经开始连跨媒体作品和实验电影都拉到论文里来了, 还有更刺激的么, 在文学研究的范围里?

Eugene会唱歌了, 只是, terrible 2何时是尽头? 或者其实是我自己的问题, 要耐心再耐心. 这两个月, 带他去过西雅图美术馆, 小人居然对艺术品颇有兴趣, 尤其大小不等的雕塑, 被吸引的程度让人高兴. 又去过一次动物园, 有选择地看了几个他的最爱, 尽兴而返.

医生说我应该加倍喝水, 还很同情我带孩子写论文的忙碌生活, 真是感动.
早上精神大好, 走路去买咖啡.
今天, 我能写一页吗?
鼓励自己不焦虑, 耐心写东西, 质量考虑放一边, 先把东西堆出来.

Eugene用南京话已经非常自如, 会问为什么(更常说"怎么搞?"), 也会说"因为...", "然后...", 对早上中午下午晚上这些时间有了清晰的理解, 虽然英文还不太行, 我们也总看到很多和他一样大的小孩子更伶俐, 但考虑到他两岁两个月才开始积极学说话, 已经很满足骄傲. Eugene爱缠着我们讲故事唱歌, 逼得我们即兴创作了作品若干. 人说作父母也是个成长过程, 可不是, 我们已俨然有了信口胡说乱唱的本事. 最得意的作品有用"Sound of Silence" 曲调唱的Thomas火车之歌, 周华健"亲亲宝贝"曲子唱的宝宝爱豆浆, 自编自唱的棒棒糖歌, 和取裁于家里各个人回忆谈笑的童年故事系列等等等等. 每每逗小人高兴, 自己口干舌燥之际, 我会忽然想起, 多少年以前, 我缠着爸爸, 在他的字典上乱涂乱画, 不让他看书做事. 生活真的不过无穷尽的往复循环啊.

NYT网今天有个关于Chinese underground hip-pop的录像短片, 挺好玩. 我刚刚看过8Mile, 听一下觉得片子里几个北京孩子说唱的感觉还挺地道. 他们一群人里有混在北京的美国人, 所以腔调里的美国元素很显著. 但关于创作想法里的反主流教育制度的精神, 倒是说得很本土化, 不空洞, 不错.

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This morning i brought Eugene to the "Little gym" for the free trial class-- his first time in a "gym"! We've been concerned about his being timid in the playground and shy with socials, so we figure it might be good to enroll him in one of those group activity classes.
It turned out quite surprising--
As I had expected, he was reluctant to go into the gym room at first, nervous and mad when I told him that the rule here required us to take off our shoes and socks. But gradually he accepted the rule, and I carried him--still like a baby, sigh!--into the group.
During the whole class, he followed the teacher's and my instructions pretty well. He walked on the air-bag--considering he has never enjoyed a bouncy house like most kids his age, it was such a wonderful achievement I almost hurrayed at.
He played with the balls, and although he wouldn't try a somersault on a low beam, he learned and really really enjoyed somersaulting over a horizontal bar!!! First with the help of the teacher and then with me, he did three or four times altogether. Sitting under the bar finally, he said, with a triumphant smile, "tell Daddy Baobao did this!" All I thought at that moment was, hey, who said this one was timid?!