手里拿着这本多年以前就读过,　复印过,　论文里引用过的书的新版,
我忽然发现自己不忍再看,　有种不堪回首的难过.　
怎么过去的论文,　总好象伤痛,　让我不愿回忆.　写作的过程总是
挣扎的过程,　要奋斗而抑制的坏心情,　
仿佛曾经的疾病,　偶尔要填在病历表上,　对自己都触目惊心,　几乎一种耻辱.

宝宝的歌, II

我想不再寻找了,
就等待吧. 华丽的诗句都是他们的,
我就等你说的妙语, 如珠,

--"打喷嚏"英文是什么?
--sneeze.
--no, 不是sneeze,
--啊? 那是什么?
--是 "bless you!"

从SD回来, 小小Eugene晒黑了一层, 好象补了一个冬天欠缺的阳光. 没想到他最爱海边, 只要海浪和沙滩, 可以永远在水里和沙里玩, 对我们为之惊叹的会跳舞的大鲸鱼有种不过如此的随便.

匆匆就是四月, 艾略特荒芜的春天.
早上和water在电话里聊诗歌的形式怎么分析, 真好, 有做同样事情的好朋友.

很多很多东西要收拾, 我在沙发上边吃午饭边看New Yorker,
总是这样沮丧的故事, 没看完, 我就把杂志丢开,
真的, 怎么快乐的故事快乐的诗那么那么少,
痛苦痛苦痛苦的文学啊, 我们怎么在这样的篇章里快乐地工作?

"随笔", 日式的随笔, 你说什么就是什么了,
我给她去信, 告诉她我找到的历史渊源,
她们自信地写诗, 出书, 我查书, 写论文, 用这样的字眼:
seems, probably, it is uncertain that, can be seen as
一定是我的问题,
越研究, 越没有信心.

给宝宝的歌, I

作了雪花的纸片, 和作了小狗的娃娃,
作了海水的地毯, 和作了火车的纸箱,
空中曾经飞过的小虫, 和遥远的以前你追过的猫,
都在眼睛里变幻消失和重现, 想触摸, 连回忆, 都在身边.
任何, 任何故事都在讲述里,
变成当下存在,
而当下不过是早上, 中午, 或者晚上,
其他, 好象都不要紧.
欢乐和悲伤如同, 一勺泼洒的汤,
瞬间只留印迹在你散落的画本上,
变成明天一个新游戏的开始,
其实不是, 没有什么是游戏,
一切都这样真实.

发现

除了前些天研究的电影其实可以用静止画面做到以外, 还有,

西腊史诗的源头不光有荷马 (当然, 还有无数姓名已被遗忘的诗人), Hesiod稍短的作品Theogony以及Works and Days等都应该算, 因为音律形式上的相似实在可观, 谁影响谁还不一定呢.

我好象永远在感觉需要恶补经典的惶恐里, 所有发现根本上, 都是对自己无知的发现, 这是怎样一种体验啊.

Monotony

With the nurse--
-Do you see your dentist regularly?
-Yes I do. actually i just had my wisdom teeth out.
-really, you did? gosh you had so many things to take care of!
-oh yes...
-funny we call them wisdom teeth, isn't it.
-[laugh, thinking indeed, what wisdom did they bring me?]

With Eugene--
-Mommy 今天是什么day?
-Thursday, baby.
-Thursday 过完是什么day?
-Friday.
-Friday过完是什么day?
-Saturday.
-Saturday过完是什么day?
-Sunday.
-Sunday过完是什么day?
...
[Repeated every day, over and yet over again. I'm sure he's remembered all of them but just wanna keep the conversation going.]

With L.
-I just couldn't find it after a whole day's search.
-what, what did you try to find?
- a theory about using still images instead of using moving images to make a film.
- still images can make a film?
-oh yeah... uh... Microsoft has a "Moviemaker" thing, right?
-o there's a big joke there... Once Bill Gates wants to use it [telling the story]
[almost midnight]
-[the story made me laugh] guess when i finish all this dissertation, i'd love to make a movie of some kind!
- sure at least you can make one with Eugene performing.
- oh no he doesn't even want me to videotape him singing.

With myself:
-really, what kind of movie do i want to make? an "experimental" one constructed with nothing but still images?

很久不写

宝宝自新年以来一直断续生病, 我们也陪着传染,
我这次的咳嗽很可怕, 昨夜到今天不停, 几小时无法睡眠, 好容易约上医生, 要等到下午三点半,
不住喝水不住咳, 看着表熬时间.
下个月的两个会, 文章都还没着落,
我连担心的力气都没有了.

连日阴雨, 冬末甚至又下了场雪, 今天好歹有点太阳, 但愿一切好起来.